August 7th, 2010 9:03 AM by Lehel S.
Conflicted about a Conflict? - Tip for the Day: How to Bridge the Gap and Not Jump Off the Bridge - By Patricia Phelan Clapp ***------------------------------------------------------------One of my email buddies wrote about something very interesting this morning that gave me yet, another morning coffee AHA moment that I would love to share with you.
Just as I had referred to that annoying voice inside our heads in my last blog, how do we stifle the real life of the whiners or negative naysayers in our lives? What's a person to do when they start to master the art of positivity but cannot escape the wrath of conflict bullies and emotional bloodsuckers? How do we get rid of them? Or, better yet, how can we live in harmony when in a non-harmonious relationship?
We all know them. The person in our life that no matter how much advice they reach out for, they never take it. The neighbor who literally waits for your car to pull up at the end of the day to casually make conversation that begins and ends with herself created drama for the day? (Remember that term - Self Created Chaos or SCC for short)
Do we walk around with ear plugs, or worse, maize?
Listen; when I talk about a world with no negativity and all positivity, I realize that it is almost next to impossible to avoid conflict, drama and stressful relationships. As many of my blogs reflect, my goal is to help you obtain the tools to put on your emotional armor that will help you get to a better place and reach your goals. In a perfect world, that would be all you need.
However, we know that the best part about life is how imperfectly perfect it is.
How about taking a new approach when you get into it with your friend, neighbor or sibling? For a moment, try to imagine they don't have the tools that you have to deal with the conflict. For a moment, realize, that they aren't hard-wired like you and see the world in a totally different way? Hard to imagine, but true.
You are the only person who sees things through your own eyes.
Perhaps, by taking a step back and outside your own way of thinking, you may have a greater understanding of the situation?
Take for example, what has worked for me. There have been many twists and turns to my life that of course, I thought were not my fault. But when you look at the bigger picture, it wasn't about winning. It's what you can learn about yourself and the relationship that brings you tension.
When you take out the "I want to win" card and look at the problem outside the box, so to speak, you may see things differently.
Maybe your fight with a co-worker really isn't about the actual problem that you argue about. In reality, maybe you will see that maybe your co-worker is having financial problems and seems to be blowing off steam in your direction due to your continued success at work?
Seek understanding about yourself through the problems you have with others. And when you do, you may be less reactive and more proactive the next time conflict arises.
Have you ever noticed that you start to "expect" trouble from people? How certain friends, etc. in your life you have labeled to be troublemakers and no matter, have no shot on achieving a different title?
Why don't you sit back and concentrate on the good they may bring to your life (if any) and see what happens? Start to expect good things from them, instead of bad things. With a new level of understanding on how they "tick" combined with new positive expectations from them, this may be an antidote to a potential "friend" break-up.
I know, you may be saying this is hypocritical when I tell you almost daily, to surround yourself with positivity. But, what if, perhaps, these negative naysayers need a just an emotional boost and dose of positive vibes from you? What if that is all they need begin to lessen their confrontational ways and gain more perspective on a life that is full of opportunity?
So, the next time you want to clean house and rid yourself of those that don't bring much to the happiness table, think again. Don't write them off just yet. Give yourself the opportunity to learn from them and gain perspective on how the outside world views you, too. Find ways to use these experiences as a chance to add more dimensions to your life as well as to your relationships.
Be patient with yourself and others today; see what happens. Remember, it takes a friend to be a friend.
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."- Anon** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:Patti is a forty something single mom of two awesome kids. In the past six years, she has: separated and divorced, finished a graduate degree with honors, started a part-time career as a writing instructor at a local college, opened up a business as a transition coach, and as of November 2008, become newly engaged! In addition, as of June 13th, she will have finished her basic training to become part of the Jersey Shore Collaborative Law Group. While she was studying and researching the various aspects of divorce and how to do it right, so to speak, she would reward herself with reading books on how to achieve your dreams! As a result, Patricia Phelan Clapp M.A. LLC, the Transition Coach, was firstname.lastname@example.org